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Why Bad Pregnancies Happen to Good People…

September 27, 2011

Ladies and gentlemen, put those pencils down!

As of ten, this fine September morning, I have officially been labeled “severely preeclamptic”. So what does that mean? Well, a number of things. The best lay person resource we’ve been able to find is the Mayo Clinic site. Basically, it’s a malfunctioning of the placenta which leads to kidney and liver failure, spiking blood pressure and protein spilling into your pee. Yeah, that’s right. I said pee.

The most dangerous thing for the baby is something called IUGR which is, basically, limited growth due to the dang placenta, again.

Right, so, I’ve been right on the edge between moderate and severe for two and a half weeks, now, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As I mentioned, this morning, we finally got the 300+ mg of protein they’ve been looking for. That, together with my rising blood pressure readings and confirmed IUGR (at 35.3 weeks, Gavin’s measuring about 30 weeks. Yikes!) we’ve been given our official eviction notice.

Our induction will begin tonight at 6pm.

Is this my ideal form of birthing? Nope.

Do I care that this is not going to be my crunchy granola natural birth that I had with Kai? Nope.

At this point, I want him out, where I can see him, where he can get everything he needs to start growing into a healthy, chubby baby that I can snuzzle.

So how am I feeling about this, you ask? Oh, you didn’t ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

I’m relieved.
I’m scared.
I’m happy.
I’m sad.
I’m really angry with my body.

Yeah, I get that the last part doesn’t make any sense but listen!

I have always been an athlete, a vegetarian since I was 9 and a vegan from 16 to 26. I have a freakishly low heart rate, great endurance and all sorts of other indicators of being a pretty annoyingly healthy person. I don’t smoke. I drink occasionally. My most life threatening hobby is scuba diving.

I have to say that this entire thing has been a very strange eyeopening experience for me.

I used to associate preeclampsia with unhealthy lifestyles. You know, high blood pressure, excessive weight gain (I’ve lost 15lbs of fluid since getting put on bed rest), malfunctioning organs, these things are not usually hand in hand with people who “take care” of their bodies.

Well, hello!

I obviously have a very different outlook. I got a very stern lecture by my midwife, this morning about blaming myself for this. There is, pretty much, not a thing I could have done to prevent it.

As a mom, I’ll always probably feel some sense of guilt for not providing a home for my kiddo to safely stay until the time was really right but that’s emotional, not logical.

I can call my body a temple but hurricanes happen.

When all is said and done, it’s not really about me or my body or my ego; it’s about my little guy and my family and our future health.

Yes, I’m milking this post for all it’s worth because I’ll probably be out of blogging range for a bit, now. Just wanted to get those final words out there. Thanks again to all for all of your love and support. And yes, there will be more pictures than you can possibly stand, very soon.

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19 Comments leave one →
  1. September 27, 2011 1:39 pm

    XOXOXO we love you and can’t wait to meet G! need both of you to be healthy and happy!

  2. September 27, 2011 2:00 pm

    Oh wow! I agree, though, getting mad at your body doesn’t really help anything.

  3. September 27, 2011 2:02 pm

    I’m sure all will be fine after tonight and that you will be on top of the world tomorrow. Take care of yourself and baby!

  4. Johanna permalink
    September 27, 2011 2:09 pm

    You’ve done a great job providing as good a home as possible for Baby G! You’re amazing and your little guy will be, too. Hang in there and can’t wait to see all those pictures you’ve promised!

  5. Diane permalink
    September 27, 2011 2:29 pm

    Take care. Can’t wait to see little G.

  6. September 27, 2011 3:07 pm

    I’m working at 6PM tonight and hoping that, by the time I arrive home from CHS this evening, that there will be some wonderful news of Gavin’s arrival and your return to good health! Wishing you strength and healing and lots of joy. 🙂 :::hug:::

  7. Kristen permalink
    September 27, 2011 3:26 pm

    Pam I know all too well what you are feeling and I dealt with feeling as if I took well enough care of myself to have prevented that from happening. You will most likely be processing those emotions for some time. I used to get upset hearing that a healthy happy baby is what matters most, but it is true. As long as you and baby end up healthy and happy that is all that matters. Thinking of you!

    -Kristen

  8. September 27, 2011 6:27 pm

    hang in there. My sister-in-law had severe preemclampsia and had a c-section at 32 weeks with her twins and she felt guilty like she’d done something wrong — nope, that’s not how it works. It’s not your fault! It’s just what happens sometimes. Just be glad you live now so you get the medical care. You will SURVIVE this! Hang in there and you can be excited to hold a precious baby SOON…

  9. September 27, 2011 6:49 pm

    Ha! What a perfect time for me to start following you (yes you have been a loyal commenter but I am lazy and I’m so sorry). So you’re pregnant! And you are meeting your baby tonight! I’m so excited for you. Don’t beat yourself up – our damn bodies have a mind of their own. You have carried him and nurtured him this far, and he’s going to be a happy healthy boy. I will await pictures…

  10. MommyNamedApril permalink
    September 27, 2011 7:10 pm

    Oh, Pam!!! Will be thinking of you constantly until we hear the good word. xoxo

  11. September 28, 2011 12:19 am

    Sending good thoughts your way, and, like Sandy said … awaiting pictures!

    You have taken care of your body and your baby, and you know you didn’t somehow cause your medical condition. Let go of the anger at yourself – that midwife is right! Save your energy for hugs and kisses for that little bundle 🙂

  12. September 28, 2011 6:58 am

    Thanks for the update! I’m so looking forward to seeing the pictures. Please don’t be too hard on your body.

  13. September 28, 2011 8:32 am

    Sending you my thoughts and prayers for a safe delivery for baby G and for mum! Can’t wait to “meet” him!

  14. September 28, 2011 9:44 am

    Sending good thoughts and prayers for a healthy baby and mom. Your description of it being like a hurricane is so spot on. Just like you can stop a hurricane or change where it goes, you can’t stop having a bad pregnancy. It’s nothing you did or didn’t do. It just happens. Concentrate on that new little bundle of joy and feeling better. I look forward to many, many pictures!

  15. September 28, 2011 11:16 am

    I can totally understand your feelings of frustration for what your body is doing, but your mother and nurse are right. This is in no way your fault, and it couldn’t have been prevented in any way. But it’s tough to be rational about such an emotional issue, and I can understand your conflicting feelings. I am glad that the baby will be here soon though, and like you said, once he is in your arms, there will be time to love on him and fatten him up! Good luck to you with all this. I will be saying a little prayer for you and your family. Hang in there!

  16. September 28, 2011 12:36 pm

    I’m sure it is a relief to finally have a deadline in many ways, but there is no need to spend energy you will need by wishing it went differently or blaming yourself. Just focus on what needs to get done. I know what you mean by wanting the baby out so you can see him and get him everything he needs. I would feel the exact same way. Somehow it seems easier when you know they are out and getting everything they might possibly need. Plus you’ll be able to see and hold and touch him. I’ll be sending you good thoughts and positive vibes. Be strong and get through this like the champ you are. Hugs and best wishes to you and your family!

  17. Mary Ellen permalink
    September 28, 2011 8:49 pm

    wishing you and baby all the best…you have a church full of people in Orlando Florida in your corner, we are all sending good thoughts your way….((((HUGS)))

  18. September 28, 2011 10:50 pm

    Good luck this evening, we will all send out lots of positive thought vibes and in no time at all you will see your beautiful little baby

  19. Veens permalink
    September 29, 2011 9:26 am

    No No No it is not your fault… I am sure this could happen to anyone. But it is awful and I hope everything goes well iwth you…

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